Why It’s So Hard to “Just Love Your Body” and tips to improve your body image
By Logan Strouther MSc, BACP (Accred), Eating Disorder Specialist
Many people who struggle with body image believe there is something wrong with them for feeling the way they do. They may look in the mirror and wonder why they cannot simply accept their appearance, stop comparing themselves to others, or feel more confident.
The reality is that none of us are born hating our bodies.
Body image develops over time through our experiences, relationships, culture, and the messages we receive from the world around us. Understanding where these beliefs come from can be the first step towards changing them.
Where Does Negative Body Image Come From?
Our relationship with our body is shaped by far more than what we see in the mirror.
From a young age, we are exposed to messages about what bodies should look like, what is considered attractive, and what qualities are valued by society. These messages come from social media, television, advertising, family members, peers, and wider cultural systems.
Over time, it is natural to internalise these beliefs and begin measuring ourselves against unrealistic standards.
The problem is that these standards are often unattainable. There will always be an industry, product, programme, or service promising to help us achieve the “ideal” body, while simultaneously reinforcing the belief that our current body is not good enough.
It’s worth asking:
- What messages about bodies did I grow up with?
- Where did I learn what is considered attractive?
- Who benefits when I feel dissatisfied with my appearance?
- How much of my body image is truly my own opinion?
Curating the Messages You Consume
One of the most powerful influences on body image today is social media.
If your feed is filled exclusively with thin, muscular, edited, or highly curated bodies, it becomes difficult not to compare yourself. Over time, these images can distort our perception of what is normal, healthy, or achievable.
Consider taking a closer look at the content you consume each day.
Ask yourself:
- Does this content make me feel better or worse about myself?
- Does it encourage comparison?
- Am I seeing a diverse range of body shapes, sizes, ages, and abilities?
- Does this account add value to my life beyond appearance?
A more body-inclusive environment won’t solve body image difficulties overnight, but it can reduce the constant reinforcement of unrealistic standards.
Not Every Thought Deserves Your Attention
Many people assume that because they think something, it must be true.
In reality, we have thousands of thoughts every day. Some are helpful, some are unhelpful, and many simply pass through our minds without meaning anything at all.
Body image struggles often become more powerful when we automatically believe every negative thought.
Rather than engaging with these thoughts, try noticing them.
Instead of ‘I look awful today’ we could try ‘I’m having a difficult thought about my appearance today.’
This small shift creates distance between you and the thought. The goal is not to convince yourself that your body is perfect. The goal is to stop treating every critical thought as a fact.
How Negative Body Image Maintains Itself
Negative body image often persists because of the behaviours we engage in to manage it. Unfortunately, many of these behaviours provide short-term reassurance while strengthening long-term distress.
Body Checking
Body checking can include:
- Frequently looking in mirrors
- Pinching, grabbing, or measuring parts of your body
- Checking your reflection in windows or reflective surfaces
- Repeatedly weighing yourself
- Seeking reassurance from others about your appearance
Although body checking often feels like it will provide certainty, it usually increases anxiety and keeps attention focused on perceived flaws.
Reducing body checking can be uncomfortable initially, but it is one of the most effective ways of reducing body image distress.
Predicting the Worst
When body image is poor, we often begin predicting negative outcomes.
You might assume:
- People will judge your appearance.
- Others will notice weight changes.
- You won’t enjoy an event because of how you look.
- You need to change your body before you can feel confident.
In psychology, this is often called “fortune telling” predicting future events without sufficient evidence. It may be worth asking yourself ‘What evidence do I have for this prediction?’ and ‘What would I do if this fear came true?’
Confidence rarely comes from certainty. It comes from learning that we can cope.
Be Mindful of How You Speak to Yourself
Language shapes our emotional experience.
Many people would never speak to a loved one in the way they speak to themselves.
Notice the tone you use when talking about your body. You do not need to force positivity.
In fact, body acceptance is not about convincing yourself that you love every part of your appearance.
Often, a neutral stance is more realistic and sustainable.
You might simply want to aim for ‘This is my body today.’ ‘This body deserves care.’ ‘My worth is not determined by my appearance.’ rather than forcing positive thoughts about your body
Body Acceptance Is Not Body Love
One of the biggest misconceptions about body image work is that recovery means loving your body all the time. For many people, that feels unrealistic.
Body acceptance is not about loving your body every day.
It is about reducing the struggle with your body.
It is learning to live your life without constantly evaluating, criticising, fixing, or fighting your appearance.
The goal is not body positivity.
What to Do on a Bad Body Image Day
Everyone has days where they feel more critical of their appearance.
When these days happen:
Do
- Wear clothes that feel comfortable and supportive.
- Treat yourself with kindness.
- Engage in activities that connect you to your values.
- Spend time with safe and supportive people.
- Practise gratitude for aspects of life unrelated to appearance.
- Focus on what your body allows you to do rather than how it looks.
Don’t
- Increase body checking.
- Spend extra time analysing yourself in mirrors.
- Seek repeated reassurance from others.
- Cancel plans because of appearance concerns.
- Wait until you “feel better” about your body before living your life.
Remember:
A bad body image day does not mean you have a bad body.
It simply means you are having a difficult day in your relationship with your body.
Looking Beyond Weight
Many people believe that changing their weight will automatically lead to confidence, self-acceptance, belonging, or happiness.
Sometimes it is helpful to ask ‘What am I hoping weight change will give me?’ Confidence? Connection? Self-worth? Acceptance?
You could ask yourself – ‘If my weight stayed exactly the same, how else could I begin building these things?’
Often, the path towards confidence and self-acceptance has far more to do with how we treat ourselves than what we weigh.
If you would like support for your relationship with your body, you can reach out to us for support here.
Concerned about your eating? Click here to read the NHS guidance on eating disorders.
Improving Your Body Image: Small Changes That Can Make a Big Difference
Body image is the way you think and feel about your body, and it can have a significant impact on your confidence, self-esteem, relationships, and mental wellbeing. Negative body image can affect people of all ages and may be influenced by social media, unrealistic beauty standards, past experiences, or difficult emotions. At Garden Room Therapy, we understand that improving body image isn’t about changing your appearance—it’s about changing your relationship with yourself. Our low-cost therapists offer compassionate online therapy, in-person counselling in Sheffield and Matlock, and walk and talk therapy to help you challenge unhelpful beliefs, build self-compassion, and develop a healthier, more accepting view of your body. With the right support, it is possible to improve your body image and feel more confident in your own skin.
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