Crying is one of the most natural human responses we have—and yet, for so many of us, it’s something we try to hide. Whether it’s brushing away tears at work, apologising for getting emotional with a loved one, or feeling the urge to “keep it together” in therapy, shame around crying runs deep in many cultures.
But what if we’ve been getting it all wrong? What if crying isn’t a sign of weakness, but actually a built-in healing mechanism—something your body and brain are designed to do for a very good reason?
Let’s take a deeper look at the purpose of tears, and why crying might be one of the most powerful (and underrated) tools we have for emotional wellbeing.
Crying and the Nervous System: Your Body’s Built-In Reset
When we cry, especially from emotional distress, we’re not just expressing feelings—we’re also helping our nervous system reset. Emotional crying has been shown to help shift the body out of the sympathetic nervous system (the fight/flight/freeze response) and into the parasympathetic nervous system (which is responsible for rest, digestion, and soothing).
That’s why, after a good cry, you might feel calmer, lighter, or even a bit sleepy. Crying literally helps your body regulate—it’s your nervous system trying to bring you back into balance.
Tears can also trigger the release of oxytocin and endorphins, two chemicals linked with soothing pain and creating feelings of comfort or relief. You may know them as the “feel good” or “bonding” hormones. So even if you’re crying alone, your body is working behind the scenes to help you feel a bit better.
The Social Power of Tears
Tears aren’t just for your own emotional regulation—they also serve a powerful social function. Crying is one of the clearest ways humans signal distress and vulnerability to others. Studies have shown that when people witness someone crying, it tends to evoke empathy and a desire to offer support.
We’re wired to respond to each other’s pain. Evolutionarily, crying may have developed as a way to strengthen social bonds, encourage closeness, and protect the individual in distress. So if you’ve ever cried in front of someone and worried that you were “too much” or “weak,” consider this: your tears might have been your body’s natural way of inviting comfort and connection.
Crying and Safety: An Evolutionary Defence?
Interestingly, research has found that crying can also reduce testosterone levels in those nearby. Why does this matter? Lower testosterone is linked to decreased aggression. Some scientists believe this may be a built-in defence mechanism: by crying, you may be (unconsciously) reducing the likelihood of conflict or harm in a tense situation.
If you’ve ever found yourself crying in response to anger or confrontation, this isn’t a flaw—it’s likely a deeply rooted evolutionary survival strategy at work.
De-shaming Tears: It’s Okay to Feel
So why do so many of us feel ashamed or embarrassed to cry, especially in front of others?
Many of us grew up with messages like “Don’t cry,” “Be strong,” or “Crying won’t solve anything.” Cultural norms often equate tears with weakness or loss of control. And in a world that often rewards emotional stoicism, particularly in men, crying can feel like a transgression of some unspoken rule.
But here’s the truth: It takes courage to be vulnerable, to allow emotion to move through you rather than bottling it up. There’s nothing shameful about your body doing exactly what it was designed to do.
Whether you cry in the quiet of your room, in the therapy room, or with someone you trust—those tears are helping you heal, self-soothe, and reconnect. They are meaningful, functional, and human.
Final Thoughts
The next time you feel the lump in your throat or the sting in your eyes, try to pause and offer yourself compassion instead of criticism. Your tears aren’t a sign that something’s wrong with you—they’re a signal that something matters deeply.
At Garden Room Therapy, we believe in creating spaces where you don’t have to hold it all together. If you’re ready to explore your emotional world, understand yourself more deeply, and begin healing in a supportive environment, you’re warmly invited to get in touch. We offer low-cost, in-person and online counselling, with a focus on kindness, safety, and connection.
📧 Reach out at [email protected] or use the contact form on our website to start your free assessment or ask any questions.
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